Even if it sometimes seems that I'm updating my blog with a certain ease, my photography is not without problems and challenges. One thing I'm contemplating almost on a daily basis relates to my goals regarding this photography project. As I've already explained before, one goal of this project is to keep me active and regain my inspiration for my photography again (and to catalyze that inspiration to others as well). But there is also another goal. During this year I would love to come up with a portfolio that, in some ways, would define my own visual style and identity as a photographer. And I feel, that to be 'a more serious photographer' I should have my own visual style, subject of some other well defined thing that would separate me from other photographers out there and which would guide me from hereafter. Doing 'the dark frames' is part of that mission, but I feel I haven't quite yet succeeded in a way that I see them in my mind (and other things in life have kept me out of them recently).
When I look, for example, the work of different brand ambassadors (most often landscape or portrait photographers), they have usually mastered their own genre and a part of me feels this certain kind of pressure to do the same. And I'm asking myself if I'm doing something wrong as I haven't bought a pile of ND-filters, astro trackers or flying drones and I'm not searching for 'those pictures' that are so contemporary today (really a polite way to put it). To get to the point, here's the problem: I don't warm up for conventional genres because as soon as I start to work with some particular picture idea which I have already seen elsewhere (sometimes a hundred times), my motivation runs out. I enjoy too much diversity, small photography, unexpected pictures and doing images that I think some way exemplify my own photographic eye (whatever I think it is in my illusions). That's also a reason why I don't see myself working as a professional photographer, I would just lose my inspiration while molding clients wishes again and again into popular visual motifs (studio headshots, product photography, etc.).
To be honest, I think photography is a thing which I want to keep it just for myself (even if sharing my work online is important to me). I believe there is certain enchantment in a situation when we are capturing that unique light which the life is emitting and I don't want to derange it with other factors of life like work, livelihood or even 'art'. I understand that this is a fragile idea in a world where everything is made to serve some other purpose out there and because of that I don't mention it too often. Does this idea contradict with my need to find my own identity as a photographer and will I be losing something if I don't follow the path taken by professionals, brand ambassadors and other serious photographers, I don't know. All I know is that my visual taste is coming from my own heart and I'm following it, even if it comes with a certain fragile ideas.